LuCy..... AnD A NeW DaY...........

Hello Lovelies

Today is a new day and Im at work ready to tackle a new week. Almost all of my work colleagues are back today from their December get away's and everyone looks refreshed and ready, I on the other hand am not. I spent most of my weekend recovering and working off major meds and today im feeling pretty drowsy.

Last night Mars and I had a talk, initially it started off as a "what we going to accomplish this year" talk and slowly made its way to fertility. I started off with saying that I worry that we don't talk about it anymore and Mars completely opened up and made some serious eye opening points. He spoke of not dwelling on the negative and rather than saying our woe es me's all the time we need to start working on how we are going to solve the problems set before us. He's right, we should start focusing on what we going to do about it rather than focusing on what the actual problem is, we know that problem and have discussed it many times before, so now its time to take charge and actually make things happen. We have decided that we shall operate, not sure when but its going to happen. The sooner we know more about our situation the sooner we can make better informed decisions.

My office is buzzing this morning with talks of lovely family getaways and many conversations revolve around children. I work in quite a "young" office and so many woman have just had babies or are expecting. i think we have had about 5 pregnancy's in the last year and a half. I often pitch in with talks of Michaela (my 3 year old niece) and how much fun we had baby sitting or something new she said. But at the end of the day I still feel disconnected, not just at my office but in general. Marsden got quite emotional during our talk last night, he spoke sternly and at one point said " you cant keep getting envious because I KNOW that one day you will come to me and tell me your 8 weeks along", after saying it I think it hit home that he has been longing for this just as much as I have and I need to be there more for him. Once he said it he apologised for getting emotional, but i didnt care, I loved that i saw that side of him.

I know together we can.....

Its still overcast and rainy outside and my mood is still the same, I feel I have alot to think about and im not going to force myself to be brave just yet, I think i need to feel it out and work through it all as opposed to pushing it aside and dealing with my emotions later, like I said before, Im not weepy or emotional, im not angry or even sad, Im just present... Im just being.

Have a gorgeous day my lovelies....

with all my love