A new year and I Love Lucy

Hello lovelies,

So its a new year and i haven't attended to I love Lucy for almost two years, i would love to make all sorts of excuses about why i haven't blogged and what went on in that time, but the only thing that comes to mind is that life just got the best of me. In the last year Mars and I got put on a medical probation with our medical aid that prohibited us from doing any medical Fertility treatments. This was a major blow for us both and it took me a few months to actually get over it, in retrospect it was a major blessing, for a long time our main focus was having a baby, so much so that it became a intense obsession and I kinda lost myself. the last year year afforded us the opportunity to actually focus on US, a year of relaxation and reflection before the big treatment year of 2014.

I decided that this year would be a good year for me to blog, its going to be a big year filled with fertility treatments and most importantly our operation in February which will see my cyst finally being removed and having as much of the Endometriosis removed as possible. Another amazing thing about this blog is having a look back at how it all started, i was younger and my focus was completely different. Since the Start of this Blog I was retrenched, re-hired, resigned and headhunted, i have focused more on my career in Shipping and built an incredible relationship with my husband, my family has got stronger and I truly am in a happy place in my life. Barring our fertility obstacles we really have grown and matured as husband and wife and built strong foundations in our faith. I truly believe that now more than ever we are ready for treatment this year.Looking back perhaps all my efforts in trying to pursue fertility treatments were simply not at the right time of our lives and Gods simply played his hand at waiting for us to be ready to tackle it head on.

One wonderful part of this journey started when i signed up for Instagram, signing up to that network under the impression that it was simply a social media platform designed for amateur iPhone photographers to share their best "selfies" ended up saving me from moments when i felt that there was no hope. One evening after a good cry and "why me" moment, i started searching the hashtag "TTC" and "infertility", all at once a new world of support was opened to me, hundreds of women who had connected in the fight against infertility. I became part of something greater than I ever knew possible, a sisterhood of women going through the EXACT same thing that i was, in world were i always felt completely alone because everyone I knew had the biological ability to conceive naturally. Although i am not as active on IG as most the women are because of my very demand job, they are constantly there for me, sending me a mail of encouragement or simply just sharing their own experiences and stories. I cant thank these women enough for everything they have done for me in the last year.

So this is just a little start off to the new year, I'm going to pace myself getting back into blogging, This blog will now be dedicated to TCC and Infertility, It will document my journey as we dive head first into treatment this year. I'm going to leave you with a couple pictures of a photo shoot Mars and i did for our 3rd wedding anniversary in July 2013. you can check out more pics and the inspiration behind the shoot here: http://www.iz-photography.com/2013/08/samantha-marsden-cullinan-couple-session.html

Ill be back, i promise!

With all my love

Sometimes..........

Sometimes the pain gets to much to bear.......
sometimes the physical challenges i face are to hard to handle....
sometimes the thought of never experiencing a pregnancy takes over...
sometimes the financial pressure is overwhelming....
sometimes i cry....
Sometimes I look to God for answers, but he isnt there sometimes,,,,,,,, He is there all the time!

Thank you God for taking away the things that sometimes get in the way with my every day walk with you.

LuCy & a LiTtLe FlAsH bAcK!!!

Hello Lovelies.......

Today is a little flash back day for me.... and I thought i might share it

This is my family way back when......

 Isnt my mom gorgeous!!! I love you my special Mama!

And this is me......... I look like a cabbage patch kid! lol all those freckles and those skinny pale legs!.

My lovelies, this post is really about family and my love for my family. now and forever.

Sometimes your family may seem unbearable and hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, when you need them they will always be there for you.

Have a stunning day!

With all my love....

ItS OfFiCiAl...... LuCy Is BaD aT BlOgGiNg.........

Hello lovelies...

Look up at the last post date and you will notice that i took a little blog break, I felt somewhat uninspired and not into it in the last little while. So first off, my dear readers I am terribly sorry for not tending to this little space, its not good of me to just abandon you with no warning.

Life has been swell lately, of course there have been up and downs *(last month was definitely a downer, hence the lack of blogging) but all in all we are reaping in all that God has to offer for us this month. My business is thriving and Marsden and I are enjoying a newly restored faith and hope in the word and the message of Gods good news. How exciting that we get to wake each morning to a God that is so faithful and good to us.

Today our niece Michaela turns three, and a very happy birthday it is.... she has such a wonderfully bright and exciting future awaiting her, and how glorious it is for all of us to share in that with her! eeek so exciting.

This month also saw my two besties, Ash & Shaz, and myself restore our friendship and work on better things to come. it truly seems like this month is one of restoration and hope for the rest of the year.

Well like i said this earlier, im not really hitting the right notes when it comes to I love Lucy  at the moment so ill keep this post short......... but my lovelies readers.... if you are still out there and reading this.... please know this:

OH YES I DO! thanks for sticking around....

With all my love....

YoU'rE JuSt So pReTtY In YoUr PaIn........

Hello my lovelies....

So lately iv been so consumed with Pinterest, home decor and DIY that i feel like iv kind of forgotten my personal edge to my blog. Who am kidding really, I try to forget my irritations but really im just hiding them away so i dont have to deal with them or face reality. So today its not a ranting session or even a sad post day, its just touching base and opening up to all of you that read and care about me ( Did i mention i love my followers)

Today is a new month and the same old BFN. Im not surprised any more and to be honest i begin to not really care about it, perhaps its because im now so callous that it just doesnt bother me. Pregnancy announcements and baby showers are not hard to endure and im just at peace. I love my life, I love my husband and family, and my longing for a child will never just dissappear. This past weekend while working with 25 gorgeous children, a small boy took a bit of a tumble. He slowly stood up, tears staining his cheeks and eagerly looked around for his Mama, his eyes frantically searched for his comfort zone. I knelt down and spread my arms open and he climbed onto my lap and into my heart. His small arms clutched at my shirt as he sobbed into my neck and I felt Love, and warmth. His small body fit perfectly in my arms and I loved every moment spent with this little stranger. When the moment ended and he managed to catch his breathe he squeezed me tight and jumped down to go play, and he was gone. The trip home left me feeling, just feeling. My thoughts always glide me back to the same thing, "Will I always just be a substitute Mama?". Perhaps this is the reason I am so calous now, iv thought it through so often that it just doesnt hit home as much as it used to, but trust me its still there.

I was scrolling through my Ipod and came across this song, its old and perhaps a little cheesy, but it certainly describes my feelings and thoughts toward infertilty and those going through it. There is a line that says "you're just so pretty in your pain", and isnt that so true..... Here we are, gorgeous woman with the world at our feet and yet we are masking terrible pain caused by infertilty. Take a listen if your part of the infertility bloggers.

I want to get to a point where this horrible thing "will never hurt me again". I know this post has been a little disjointed....... but i hope you understand.

With all my love

LucY Is BaCk WiTh A BiT Of pAsSiOn.......

Hello lovelies....

so I'v been away a while, and when I say away I mean away from the blogging community. I suppose I just needed a break, and i also felt like my blog was becoming this wasteland of the same information all the time. Its time to get back in it with a little more passion.


This Morning I signed up for Pinterest, and Im still kinda figuring it all out but so far im in love with everything. Amazing how inspiring images can be huh?? I look forward to pinning (Am I using the correct terminology?) all the images iv collected and sharing with everyone.

A while back i spoke about fixing up my spare room and now im on a mission to really get crafty and get stuck in, I wanna do some DIY frames (a lil nervous ill admit but im gunna try). I found some great ideas for the home on Pinterest.... woweeee take a look:

OK so I constantly save images on my computer, Im sorry if some of these belonged to you, please forgive me! Think of it as me loving your style! deal???

I love you all for sticking by me even while i took some time off from blogging, I promise to be back more often.


With all my love ( as always)

UUUUggggHHHH............. LuCy Is NoT BeInG a VeRy GoOd BLOgGeR>>>>

Hello Lovelies.......

Lately i have been reading, so much so that i forget that I need to contribute to the process too. You all write for me, so its only fair I do the same and update my blog. I kinda get engrossed in your stories and feel like im there with you, and when it comes to writing about my own life it just seems, well, mediocre!

Getting into the swing of things has not been easy, in years passed I seemed to ease into the year alot quicker but this January has been a major exception. Hearing the alarm buzzing in the morning has been a reminder of a new day and a whole new set of challenges, Bleh!. I think i need some new perspective, perhaps a drastic change? chopping all my hair off? I get brave and then suddenly snap back to reality and think how much I would probably hate short hair. The good news is that our holiday plans are back in action (after my kidney infection screwed up my last trip ) and Im totally looking forward to it, the plan is to do it for my birthday in April, and have the whole family tag along.

My business is starting to (very) slowly pick up and i have three bookings in place so far, thank you Google Adwords!

Last night I lay awake for sometime thinking about this year, what exactly would this year hold, would it be the year for a baby, the year for my business or career, the year of travels perhaps?. hey I'm just tagging along for the ride at this point, but all in all my hopes are for happiness. I am proud to say that one of my goals this year was to start wearing heels to work more often, and I have really done  myself proud!. I came across this saying the other day and loved it, perhaps the mantra for the year ahead?

Anyways im gunna put us all out of our misery and stop writing now, this post has been totally uninspired, perhaps ill go do some more reading...... hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm one of those days huh! yeah one of those days.

With all my love